A Choice

Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.
Roy T. Bennett

I make choices every moment of every day and whilst that seems obvious I hadn’t appreciated that the choices I make contribute directly to my overall life and well being.

I’ve recently learnt so much about what it means to make a choice, not just the usual choices I make but a more profound choice that has fundamentally changed my life.

The opportunity to even make this choice only became visible as a byproduct of seeking to understand something else. I spent some time searching, reading, listening and sitting in silence.

I found the choice right in front of me whilst I was digging into how I understood what was missing or lacking from my life that made me feel 1) psychologically safe when in group situations 2) my own awareness and mindfulness state and 3) how my personal values shaped and influenced me.

This searching was triggered from a series of events and part of that story was shared in my last post on depression and shame here.

In reality the choice was made visible because of the work and discipline I’ve been exploring and developing around my personal awareness and many of the stories relating to this have been shared already – examples include;

This one – Understanding and working with shame

This one – Learning, leadership, being vulnerable and developing shame resilience

This one – The benefits of Practice and Discipline – reflections on 5 key practices

And this one Development and Growth – A perspective on vulnerability

Psychological Safety:

I learnt that there were two domains of my psychological safety that were not being met, these were;

    Autonomy – the sense one has choice
    Trust – the need for belonging

I’ll come back to these later as they play quite a big part in my choice.

Personal Practice:

In relation to my personal awareness practice, I had unintentionally stopped some of my practices as I mistakenly assumed some of my work practice learning was a replacement for those practices.

I’ve now know that those practices help me maintain a healthy state of awareness and mindfulness and my practices from work benefit from time having discipline here.

Values:

Significantly I discovered that my view of my personal values and how unintentionally placing them in a logical order actually created a barrier for my development.

After much work following the section on personal values in the Dare to Lead workbook I know my values are Love and Loyalty. However for some reason I referred to them in the reverse order and in consistently doing so, I created a priority ordering which created a bit of a false loop in my head. I literally took them in an order…

I learnt that I was prioritising loyalty to others over myself and love for others over myself.

This realisation prompted by hearing for probably the I’m 20th time, the wonderful Brene Brown state that “your ability to love someone else can not exceed your ability to love yourself” helped me to start a process of letting go.

This brings me back to autonomy and trust.

In my moment of clarity I realised that outside of group contexts I had the conscious awareness to create autonomy for myself and make the biggest choice of all – to let go of being controlled by the variety of thoughts that flow through my mind. I now see those thoughts simply as a set of tapes and stories which I now know hold no power over who I am but for so long held me captive to shame.

I’m not saying I’m permanently free although my awareness is at a place where I am consciously and consistently aware of what triggers me and I’m now able to hold space for myself. It’s new so I’m expecting some challenges in maintaining this but it’s all of incredibly powerful learning.

I also realised that in relation to trust I placed too much emphasis on other people satisfying that need and desire and was too focused on external factors which created a level of dependency which was and is unsustainable and counter to personal growth – I now know that true belonging comes from within.

I could try and sum it up but Maya Angelou says it best

“You only are free when you realize you belong no place – you belong every place – no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”
It hasn’t been an easy path to take…and it’s a path I had to find myself.

But I now know it was worth it.

Finally I want to acknowledge a selection of books or audiobooks which have helped guide me – all of which have in some way played a part in helping me unlock this choice. This is not a comprehensive list…

A New Earth is by Eckart Tolle

Play by Stuart Brown

Dare to Lead, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, Power of Vulnerability, Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

Untethered Soul, The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer

Immunity to Change by Robert Kegan / Lisa Laskow Lahey

The Path by Michael Puett / Christine Gross-Loh

Awareness by Anthony De Mello

What I know for sure, Super Soul Conversations, The Wisdom of Sunday’s by Oprah Winfrey

Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav

Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu

You’re It by Alan Watts

The Holy Man by Susan Trott

How to see yourself as you really are by the Dalai Lama

I also want to acknowledge the Kung Fu Panda Trilogy and the important role it has played in helping me develop my understanding.

The cookie monster…

Cookie Monster
Cookie Monster - By dnnya17 from Flickr

Following on from my previous post about Cookies and with less than a month to go, I’d thought I’d expand some of my thinking and the “pragmatic” approach I’d like to adopt here in Devon.

Firstly I referred to the guide developed by the Government Digital Services (GDS) “Implementer Guide to Privacy & Electronic Communications Regulations (PECRs) for public sector websites” [ pdf warning ] and I really suggest you download it and read it  – it is in my opinion a very helpful and pragmatic document and provides more practical help than the Information Commissioner’s website

The following quote for me represents the bigger challenge which I feel web managers also need to invest some time in…

The preferred method of compliance with the new regulations i.e. least disruptive to the user experience, would be one based on users’ “implied consent”. In this context “implied consent” can be taken to mean that a user is aware of the implications of taking a certain action and that by choosing to take such action are implicitly giving their consent to the related outcomes.

However, the ICO does not believe it is possible to take such an approach at present because “evidence demonstrates that general awareness of the functions and uses of cookies is simply not high enough for websites to look to rely entirely in the first instance on implied consent”.

This emphasises the need to raise the awareness levels amongst users of government websites about the uses and functions of cookies. Consistency in the presentation of cookies-related information will help towards achieving the aim of educating users, so this document sets out a recommended template for departments’ ‘Use of Cookies’ policy

So two points come out of this which are important to acknowledge, the first being implied consent, which sounds like the most logical approach and one which will impact the end-user the least and second Awareness – yes, awareness of what cookies are, what they do and why people need to understand this as they move about the internet.  So as it states the ICO state that you can’t really do implied consent if the levels of awareness of so poor that people are clueless as to what cookies are in use on a given site.

However  – It’s worth remembering I’m trying to provide a pragmatic solution here –  my personal preference is that we in fact do adopt an implied consent model but support with communication and awareness across our site which helps to mitigate any concerns.

I’ve started to experience the “click box” approach on a few websites, the ICO’s included and it really is a nuisance and doesn’t actually demonstrate people understand what they are clicking and what that means to them and disappears once you click on it once, so it fails to address the awareness issue as well in my opinion and is really a worse approach as on return to the sites I visited there isn’t really any clear and visible links to the cookie usage and privacy policy.

So one of the things we will be doing to help with a sustained level of awareness and communication is linking to content which explains what cookies are in a balanced way – Two good examples of this are AboutCookies.org and its Cookie FAQ section and CookieCentral’s FAQ section.

In support of this we will also be linking to content which helps explain how people manage cookies within their browsers and again AboutCookies.org provides some really good resources here.

We will also be communicating that our use of google analytics as a service improvement tool will be on the basis that we do not share any data as described in my previous post

I think as a web community we really should offer a consistent approach to communicating about cookies and in my view we shouldn’t be writing or creating this individually. This should be delivered either through a consistent approach to some common and reusable content which can be syndicated or a consistent approach to linking to the same resources. What ever we do the message and awareness should be the same.

It’s a matter of perspective – Bear with me!

A few weeks back i attended a Speed Awareness Course, and learnt huge amounts about Road Safety and will certainly mind my speed from now on. After all there is no excuse i can think of that i would be happy to hear if someone hit my kids or my family through speeding.

Anyway, as a group we watched a very good video, which i am going to share with you. BUT i want you to consider the topic of usability or websites and services – i know a big change from road safety but the video will highlight some interesting points.

Now you must follow the instructions on the video for the effect to be realised.

The great thing about this for me is that, it just goes to show that even a few extra people to view your site, services or product, will benefit the usability. If you are measuring or testing your own stuff, without any external perspective even from other people in your organisation – you will – like the video only be looking at the white team. You will miss the Bear.

If you are interested in finding out more about usability for public sector websites then i suggest you check out – Public Sector Web Usability Boot Camp: One Day to Better Usability. I am unable to attend, but it looks like such a great day and i look forward to catching up via the #psfbuzz tag on twitter.

PLEASE NOTE: I am not on commission, I just think this is a good event about usability, there are other events and organisations who provide usability training and awareness and a search in google will provide you with many options.